A message from me

A MESSAGE TO PARENTS AND OTHERS WHO CARE…..

You’ve discovered that I hurt myself - or I’ve just told you. You don’t know what to do. You wonder where you’ve gone wrong.. Please hear, my need to self harm is not aimed at you, it is my way of dealing with difficult emotions.

Don’t assume the worst. I don’t necessarily want to kill myself. I’m getting through, and this is how I do it right now. It is something that I do for me, not for attention and not to get at anyone.

I may not want to talk about it, it is a very private (and lonely) thing. If you need to know about self harm, you can contact one of the organisations at the end of this piece. BUT if I come to you, that’s because I want to talk, however I also want you to behave in a way that doesn’t make me feel worse.

The worse thing you could do:

Don’t make it about you. You going on some guilt trip will make me feel bad. I know this will be tough for you, and you may really need support yourself. Again, look at the help available at the end of this article.

Please don’t treat it as gossip.

How I’d like you to react:

Just be there for me and prepared to listen; no matter what. You are going to experience lots of mixed feelings and I need to know that you are not going to freak out. It’s ok if you don’t know what to do or to say, cos I probably feel the same – only about how you’re going to react! Don’t judge me and ask lots of questions about my hurting myself. It’s what’s underneath that really matters.
Although it’s tough, if you take away my method of hurting myself, which is my coping method – I will still need to ‘cope’ and may use something less safe. Although it may seem obvious to you that I just need to ‘stop’, it is not that easy, which is why having your support would be such a help.
If you are reading this for the first time, it may be a good idea for you to have some ‘time out’ before we talk. We can then choose the right time and place when we can be alone and give each other the attention we each need.

WEBSITES AND NUMBERS FOR CARERS/FRIENDS:

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm

http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/DamagingYourself/Pages/SelfHarm.aspx

Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90
ChildLine - 0800 1111
Parentline Plus - 0808 800 2222
NSPCC - 0808 800 5000

A Fact:

Self Harm is not ‘a phase’ that young people go through. The group of people who self harm most are successful middle aged women.